Confessions

I think a lot about things.  Lately I think a lot about pregnancy related stuff (who would've guessed?), but I think about other things, too.  Mostly when I post about my thoughts I try to stick to the more normal things and stuff people expect you to talk about.  But, tonight I feel the need to put out there the weird stuff and the stuff I feel weird about.  Enjoy.

• I'm finally at the point where I don't have to remind myself that I'm pregnant all the time.  I guess I've told myself that I am often enough since October that it's finally sunk in.  It's been about a week since I thought, "Oh, yeah!  I'm pregnant."  It only took 4 1/2 months.
• I'm starting to feel the baby move.  Not very much yet.  More in the last day or two, but still not a lot.  I have to say, though, that the idea of another being inside me moving around and poking me from the inside kinda freaks me out.  Does anyone else find it slightly freaky?  I've never heard anyone else talk about that.  So, either it's one of those things that everyone thinks at some point and just won't admit it, or I'm in the minority and I'm the weirdo.  Both seem equally viable to me.
• In my last post I said that I was excited about being able to do fun things with my child.  This is true.  I'm also a little sad that it won't just be Michael and me anymore.  We've been just us for 8 years.  Part of it's the fear of change and the unknown.  But with any major change, even good ones, there's always a part of me that's sad about leaving behind what was before.  This is no different.  I'm probably not supposed to say that, though.
• Even though I tell people I'm excited, I haven't really been super excited yet.  As I said, I kept having to remind myself about the pregnancy, plus, with the exhaustion, it was all I could do just to get through the day and get the bare minimum done.  Excitement?  Who has energy for that?  That's not to say there haven't been cool things.  Getting to hear the baby's heartbeat is pretty cool.  Part of it, too, is that I don't get excited in the way other people do very often or very easily.  And major changes always seem really unreal to me until they've actually happened.  Even when I'm preparing for them, it seems like a weird dream.  It takes a bit for the new way of life to sink in and not seem so unreal anymore.  Maybe I'll be more excited in a month or so or when I actually start getting things ready for the baby.
• I don't plan on finding out the gender of my baby until it's born.  I also don't plan on having an ultrasound.  ACOG doesn't recommend ultrasounds unless medically necessary.  As long as things continue in the normal, non-concerning way that they have been, I don't feel an ultrasound is indicated.  Determining the gender is not a medical necessity.  Plus, surprises are fun.  Feel free to guess the gender.  Guessing is half the fun in my opinion.  And, in this case, you'll have a 50/50 chance of being right.  Personally, I think it's a girl.  Or a boy.
• I break "pregnancy rules."  I go tanning.  I lay on my back more than just at my prenatal appointments.  I find it uncomfortable after a bit, though, so I don't do it for very long.  I take a regular multivitamin not a specific prenatal (my regular multivitamin meets the recommendation for prenatals, except it's a bit lower in iron, so I take an iron supplement, too.)  I drink raw milk.  I've been doing so for almost two years and suffered no ill effects, so I'm not worried about it.  I occasionally have steak and I don't cook it well-done.  I don't eat deli meat from the grocery store, though.  But, I generally don't eat deli meat anyway whether I'm pregnant or not.  Except the occasional Jimmy John's sandwich.  
• I'm planning on a home birth.  I know many people freak out about home birth.  I have done a lot of reading and research on the subject and looked at both sides of the issue.  I did most of this reading when we were first talking about having kids in the near future.  I have a midwife that has a high success rate and a low incidence of problems.  I feel confident that she will recommend a hospital birth if she feels it's necessary, and I trust that she's neither overly alarmist nor overly cavalier in her attitude toward labor, birth, and the safety of the mothers and babies in her care.  She has lots of experience in hospitals and at home.  The woman knows her stuff.